Hope...and fear

Last week I had interviews at a local university and a local public school system, and I feel like the interviews went really well. REALLY well! So I feel very optimistic that I will be receiving a job offer hopefully this week. Rarely do I feel like I ever do exceptionally well at interviews, but I feel like I nailed the one on Friday. I feel like I did everything I can possibly do to get the job, from having a very good cover letter and resume, doing my homework in preparing for the interview, dressing professionally and presenting myself well, being personable and articulate, asking good meaningful questions, and following up with thank you notes to the interviewers. I feel like the stars have aligned and this is my time. So, now I wait, which is always the hardest part.

My sister was here visiting from California this past weekend and we had the absolute most wonderful time exploring downtown Portland, eating some really good food, and Sunday we went to the zoo! It was so nice seeing her, and it made me realize how special she is and how much I love her. It was a weekend full of special memories that I will never forget.

The three previous paragraphs were written a few days ago. It’s now Wednesday, which is realistically the earliest I figured I’d hear back about the jobs. It’s 2:15 and still no word. The longer this goes on the more stressed I get and the more I start to have doubts. I keep trying to tell myself that I did everything I could to get the job and that my interview went really well and that I need to have faith. But it’s hard. Really hard. The past few days I’ve been looking on CraigsList for rooms to rent, which I feel like I shouldn’t do because I’ll jinx things, which I know is stupid. But I’ve stopped looking. I let myself get really hopeful about this, which I try not to do because it just makes it all the harder to deal with things if I don’t get the job. I let myself feel like I was going to get my life back, which scares me because if I don’t get a job offer I don’t know how I’m going to cope with that.  

So I’m basically in survival mode right now, trying to stay busy and keep my mind occupied, hoping I get a phone call with good news. And scared to death the phone call will be bad news.