These past few weeks I’ve vacillated between hope and despair. Hopeful when I find a job I’m qualified for and feel that I have a reasonable chance of getting; despair when I don’t even get an interview. Last week I felt very hopeful about a job which seemed tailor made for me; this morning I feel hopeless after finding that the job has been filled and I didn’t even get an interview. I feel so discouraged right now; I just want to crawl under my covers and cry. At times like this the fear and depression just overwhelm me. I have a daily routine I try to follow to keep me focused and productive, but right now I can’t bring myself to do anything. I feel like this whole job search is pointless.
I feel embarrassed that my neighbors see my car parked in my driveway during the day and that they probably know I don’t have a job anymore. I feel a sense of shame at being unemployed, and that I’ve let my family down. How ironic that I finally get past the shame and guilt I felt for so long over being transgendered, and now I get to deal with the shame and embarrassment of being unemployed. Will I ever reach a point in my life when I just live my life without having to deal with one crisis after another? I’m beginning to lose hope that I ever will.
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5 comments:
Rebecca, you are not alone at the moment but much of the world is plodding on much as usual and you are better qualified than so many out there looking so there will be a place for you.
Unemployment is a fallacy! Job searching is a full time job and you should treat it as such. There is nothing embarrassing about looking for a new job and it should keep you so busy you will not have time to think .
Good luck with the search.
Caroline xxx
Being unemployed is nothing to be ashamed of. I have a friend who has been out of work for over a year now (in NYC no less) and he just keeps plugging away. I know it's an awful thing, but you should not feel any sense of guilt or shame as a result of it. It's not fun, but it's also not your identity.
As far as having crisis after crisis, well, I can't help you there. That seems to be the general state of things in my home. I often wonder if anyone in the world who lives in the world (exclusion of monks and such) doesn't live from crisis to crisis. The trick, I think, is to remind yourself that this has all happened before and it will all happen again. Trite, but true.
Hang in there!
xoxo
Hi, Rebecca, it's been a long time! Thank you for resetting your comment section from Blogger's default! Ever since the laptop crashed I've been following with my phone but couldn't comment because Blogger's default is incompatable with my phone.
I know how discouraging it is looking for work nowadays, I was unemployed at the end of last year-early this year, found a job, worked for about 4 months and was unemployed AGAIN when the company closed it's doors! I've been looking for work since.
I wouldn't worry about your neighbors, if they're home to see your car in the driveway in the daytime they may be unemployed, too, or they may envy you because they think that you're on vacation!
One crisis after another sure sounds like the standard procedure at my house, in fact, I don't think that it ever wasn't. It always seems to be one thing or another.
It's very easy to fall into depression, I fight an almost daily battle with it but try to look on the bright side. You have your health, you have your family, you have your friends, and eventually you will find another job, maybe one that's even better than the one you lost!
Dani xxx
Hi Rebecca:
I've been in your position. It's not the situation - it's all in how you react to it! Open your mind to the possibilities. The time you spend connecting with others can be very affirming.
~ Maia
Hi Rebecca. I've been there. I know exactly how you feel. Actually, I thought that I was the only one who felt the embarrassment so in some ways it is nice to know that this emotion was not unique to me.
I like everyone's advide and comments. Caroline said it all when she says that looking for a job IS a full time job.
Now get out there, girl, and find that job. I know you can do it. I did!
Your cheerleader,
Calie xxx
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