Clarification about previous post

There seems to be some confusion about my previous post. My children know I’m transsexual and they’ve been completely supportive and understanding, so that isn’t the issue. The reason I’m feeling so down is because of my inability to find another job and my fear that I may not be able to continue with my transition, and the resulting depression which has gotten progressively worse. My son’s frustration is because it’s difficult for him to see me feeling so hopeless and depressed. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just stop worrying so much and feel happier. The reason for taking a higher dose of Xanax is to help me hide how I’m feeling (the depression) so I can be more upbeat and make it easier for him to be around me without feeling so stressed. When I said I have to go back to pretending I didn’t mean having to hide the fact that I’m transsexual, I meant I was having to hide how I was really feeling and to pretend that everything was fine. This seems to be the only way I can make it easier for my family to be around me and so they don’t worry so much. Hopefully this clears up any confusion.