Another big step!

Today was another big day for me. Still basking in the glow from what happened yesterday, I decided it was time to face something I’ve been avoiding up to know. Malls have always made me nervous due to the large number of people, especially teenagers, so I have been reluctant to go there as Rebecca. So feeling really confident and relaxed, and having a sweater I hadn’t had a chance to wear yet, I decided this would be the day I conquered my fear of malls, although I did cheat a bit and went in the morning when the teenagers were in school. But I knew there would be lots of people there since we’re so close to Christmas, so that kind of makes up for no teenagers! I wore jeans, a nice cream colored cardigan, and a pair of clogs which I also hadn’t had a chance to wear. I also wore a scarf of various shades of brown, with a little red and black, which sort of pulled the whole outfit together. After putting on my makeup and putting my hair into a ponytail, I felt really good about how I looked, and off I went. After parking at the mall I’ll confess I sat in the car for a few minutes because I was nervous, but I finally got out and walked in. At first I busied myself intently looking at the clothes, avoiding people and eye contact, but I eventually relaxed and starting walking around the store, making eye contact and smiling. After a while I felt really comfortable and ventured out to other stores, and stopped worrying and just enjoyed the experience. I didn’t get any comments or funny looks, which was a big relief. After about 45 minutes I left the mall and went back to my car, intending to go home, but I was enjoying myself so much that I decided to head to Wal-Mart. I spent about 30 minutes there, and I wasn’t the least bit nervous or self-conscious, and it was another enjoyable experience. Now I’m back home, and I just can’t stop smiling. I can’t adequately express how liberating and wonderful it feels to lose that fear. I feel like this giant door just opened and I’m free to explore the world and just be myself. I can hardly wait to see what wondrous things tomorrow holds for me! The only downside is that it’s going to be even more difficult when I have to go back to presenting as a male, which was already tough enough. But I’m still me underneath those male clothes, and nothing can change that!