As I wrote in a post last week, I felt my last interview went well and that I would definitely get a second interview. As each day passed I tried to remain hopeful but I was feeling pretty discouraged by the end of the week, and then last Friday I saw that the job had been reposted, which left no doubt that there would be no second interview. I had been so afraid of getting my hopes up in case I didn’t get the second interview, so I was crushed when that’s how it worked out. The past few months have been tough, but this was the low point.
I thought back to the interview and went over every detail to see if there were any mistakes I’d made or any areas that I could have improved on, but aside from a minor stumble on one question I felt like the interview had gone very well. I had researched the department and learned as much as I could about what they did and the job I was interviewing for. I was outgoing and personable and smiled a lot, and felt very relaxed and confident. I just don’t know what more I could have done. So now I'm wondering if the length of my hair had any effect on the outcome of my interview. I know I’m probably being paranoid and over-thinking this, but I need to try to make sense of this, and to figure out if my hair is an issue and what to do about it.
Yesterday morning I had an e-mail about scheduling an interview for another job, so that improved my outlook a bit. The job is an Event Coordinator in the university Conference Office. I was very surprised that they want to interview me; I did coordinate meetings and events occasionally at my last job, but it was only a small part of my overall duties. But the job sounds like one I’d really enjoy, and it pays considerably more than my last job. The interview isn’t until February 2nd, so I have plenty of time to get prepared. But now I’m left to wonder about what to do about my hair. The way I see it I have three options:
1. I can cut my hair
2. I can pull it back and style it to look as professional as possible
3. I can pull it back and style it to look as professional as possible,and explain that the reason for the long hair is that I’m transsexual.
I know that getting a job has to be my top priority, and that cutting my hair shouldn’t be a big deal because it will eventually grow back, but I just can’t bring myself to cut it. My psyche has taken a beating these past few months, and cutting my hair would just be one more blow to deal with. But then if I don’t get the job I’m going to dwell on whether or not I should have cut it. In any case, I’ve pretty much decided not to cut it.
I’m seriously considering option three, but I’d appreciate getting your thoughts about it. I think there is some advantage to being upfront about this, although I know I’m taking a big risk divulging this during my first interview. I’m just not sure if it would be appropriate to do at that point, and there is always the risk of the person having an issue with transsexual people, or not wanting to deal with the added complications of working with someone going through transition. I would emphasize that it would not impact my ability to do the job or my focus, and that I understand the need to act and look professional. And it would allow me to explain the length of my hair. I have to admit that one of the reasons I’m considering this option is that the department is staffed entirely by women, so there is an increased comfort level for me because of that. I’m not sure if I’m just deluding myself that there would be a higher likelihood of understanding, or if I’m being sexist for feeling this way, or if I've completely lost my mind for even considering this. A lot of my decision will depend on how the interview goes and my feeling about the woman interviewing me.
Anyway, I’d really appreciate getting your thoughts about this. Thanks in advance.
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8 comments:
Tell them afterward. Get hired first. The University's human rights statement makes it hard to fire you if you come out on the job (they can, but you can make a case if you choose to sue). It DOESN'T deter them from choosing not to hire you if they already know.
Good luck.
Leave your hair and style it to look good for the work environment. I agree with Dr. Morbius, get the job first and deal with HR later. Universities have to conform to laws of the state.
Hugs, Elly
I think Elly and Dr. Mobius are dead on. Mentioning being trans up front is probably unnecessary, and a bit risky.
If I were not full time, and I were in a circumstance requiring me to interview as male, I'd probably find the sleakest, most masculine way to wear my hair for the interview. Probably just tying it back at the nape of the neck?
After a lifetime of tying my hair back when necessary I have finally discovered the joy of a good hairdresser!
My hair is now shoulder length after not being cut for 40 years!
I have heard of people asking interviewers to say where they fell down in an interview to help prepare for the future. Clearly you are going to get one of these jobs one day if you are being called in.
Invest in a session and say exactly what you are trying to achieve and walk in there looking and feeling your best.
Caroline xxx
Rebecca, as I have mentioned in the past, I hire many people every year. I'm in California, so the culture is different, however. I still maintain that if you are in a university environment, your long hair should be OK.
I'm with the others in that you just let them assume your gender is male at this point.
So, my vote is to keep your hair and don't tell.
Now, when we really want to check up on someone, we will search FB, Google the name, etc. Anything out there than can be found? Like this blog?
You did your research for that last interview. That was the right thing to do. I love it when someone I'm interviewing shows a real interest in what we do. I always look for personality and attitude (or lack thereof). That's almost more important than overall qualifications to me. I want someone who will blend in and get along with the rest of the staff. A team player, etc. I have hired plenty of effeminate men and butch women. Doesn't bother me and it has absolutely no affect on our large staff.
So, here I say to continue what you're doing as far as knowing all about the organization or department you are interviewing with. Show lots of personality. Don't talk about pay or hours or anything that could tip them off that you could be an attitude case. In our world, it is easy to hire but hard to fire. For that reason, employers are very cautious when they interview and subsequently hire someone.
Hope this helps, girl.
Calie xxx
I defer to the wisdom of everyone above. Being a somewhat effeminate male shouldn't be a problem for event coordinators.
I agree with what everyone else has said. Keep the hair and comb it back into a pony tail. It's not uncommon for both men and women to have long hair nowadays so in most enviroments it shouldn't be a problem.
I wouldn't reveal my trans status to any prospective employer at this point or at any point until you are ready to go full time. By that time you have hopefully established a winning track record that would make any attempt to terminate you hard to justify.
Dani xxx
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