Monday, January 31, 2011
Storm clouds are gathering
The forecast calls for up to 16 inches of snow by Wednesday morning, so it appears my job interview will probably get rescheduled. But that's probably a good thing since right now there's no way I get myself up and ready to perform at an interview. I got my taxes done Saturday and it was very bad news, which was unexpected and a big blow financially. As low as I've been at times over the past six months, this is the lowest. The problems just never end. I hate to say this, but if I could end it all right now without inflicting further pain on my family, I would. Aside from my sons, I can't find much reason to keep going. And lately I haven't been much of a father to them, so even that reason doesn't hold much weight. I'm just so tired of this, and I just want the pain to end. But the problem is that I can't do anything about my pain without causing more pain to my family. Oh well. I need to go scrape the ice off my car and hope the freezing rain hasn't made the roads too bad so I can make it to my therapy appointment without sliding off the road.
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3 comments:
have to post tax forms here today and can't get into site to admit that I can't pay any again, no ice though.Always the low point of my year just now then the world wakes up again.
Caroline xxx
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling that way today Rebecca! I feel much of your pain, having fallen into complete financial ruin just as I was accepting my gender identity. But I want to ask you to have faith, faith in yourself and in the universe to deliver you the life you deserve. I tried to work an office job still presenting male when I was convinced I was female inside and ready to transition. After only half a year the inner contradiction was too much to bear. But I am now just scraping a living as a self-employed person, some old clients who only knew my male self have fully accepted the new me and at last I am able to enjoy the relief of living as a woman full time even if I hardly ever 'pass' convincingly. I know what helps me the most is believing in myself: people see that I am comfortable with who I am and find it easier to accept the curious visible contradiction that I present to them. Good luck, live true to yourself, the gifts of a beautiful life are out there waiting for you.
Rebecca, clouds, rain, and stormy days can bring the blues. Your smart, attractive and your family needs you. Stick with it, girl. The sunny days and clear skies will come. Things will be better for you. I promise!
Calie xxx
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