My ex-wife arrives from Ohio today for my youngest son’s graduation.
We get along fine and she even stays at my house, but this will be the first
time she’s seen me as Rebecca, so I’m a bit nervous about that. We talk a lot on
the phone and she’s been very supportive and understanding, so I have no
worries about that. It’s just that she will be the first person from my old
male life, with the exception of my kids, who will see me in person as Rebecca,
so this is kind of important to me. She’s obviously known me for a long time
and she still means a lot to me, so her opinion still matters. I made sure to
wear a nice outfit (lavender and green floral print skirt with a lavender
cowl-neck top), and to do my make-up extra nice, but then I go off this morning
and leave my make-up bag at home so I
can’t touch it up before going home. I guess the tough part is that this
is a new situation for me so I’m not sure exactly how I’ll react.
My son’s graduation is Saturday afternoon, which I’m really
excited about, but that excitement is tempered a bit knowing I’ll have to go in
male mode. We have an understanding that he’s uncomfortable with me as Rebecca
when we might be seen by his friends from school, which I completely
understand, and that I dress neutral or in male mode during certain times. I
made a promise to him that I’d never embarrass him, so I’m just keeping my
promise. But I’m so dreading wearing male clothes again. I kept one male outfit
just for this occasion, but wearing it is going to be a lot more difficult than
I thought it would be. I just keep telling myself that it’s for my son and it’s
only a few hours, but that doesn’t help much. I know I’m going to feel
extremely self-conscious being there in a large crowd of people. But as I said,
it’s my son’s special day and I don’t want to do anything to spoil it for him.
4 comments:
Can well appreciate the anxiety - lets hope that the outfit gets put back in the cupboard after Saturday and then gathers dust forever.
Your Ex sounds OK - I hope she just sees you as the woman you are
Becca
Like Becca said, I think we all can understand the anxiety. While I don't dress 100% female all of the time, my wife and I have an understanding that I will dress male just for her, occasionally~and even that's a bear of a time for me.
Like you said, it's only a few hours and it too will pass, and then on to collecting that dust.
As always, I continue to pray for you and healing from your surgery. Oh yes, and I pray for your boys, er, sons.
Almost forgot to say~Rebecca, your last photo of you is astounding. You look so much different, yet so much like just yourself, all at once. In my never to be humble opinion, you are beautiful, and don't ever forget that!
Hugs and Prayers,
Cynthia
Thanks for the comments Becca and Cynthia, they are much appreciated. And Cynthia, thanks for your many comments and for your prayers, they both me a lot to me. And thanks for the nice compliment, that was very sweet of you.
You're doing it for your son. I get it.
Calie
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